Why you should pour milk before cereal?
Written on June 4th, 2023 by {"login"=>"jcbphc21", "email"=>"f20181005@hyderabad.bits-pilani.ac.in", "display_name"=>"Journal Club, BPHC", "first_name"=>"Journal Club", "last_name"=>"BPHC"}I know what you're thinking. That's the single most revolting statement you've ever heard in your uninspiring life. Pouring milk before your cereal? That's plain preposterous! You probably feel like having a convulsion, throwing up, and then writing an absurdly long paragraph on how I'm so wrong to fill the void in your life. But hear me out, you plebeian fools, would you go against society's standards of what's considered conventional or enjoy dissolving away in a puddle of soggy cereal? Do you not care about the life of a whole grain of cereal developed out of one of many billion factories mass-producing this breakfast food? What euphoric high would you achieve from watching cereal perish away in the milky whirlpool?
Listen up. Here's how you enjoy a bowl of cereal, a recipe handcrafted by the one and only me. You first turn over the cap of your milk bottle anti-clockwise or counterclockwise if you are an American nincompoop, and yes, I know nincompoop is British. It's called being satirical, for goodness sake. The number of times I have had to break down my humour... Umm, anyway, you then pour out... wait, what if someone has a Tetra pack? Well, that shouldn't cause any trouble; you just pick up a pair of scissors, cut open the packet, and then pour the milk into a bowl. Oh, wait, should procuring a bowl and placing it before you have been the first step? Geez, I really messed up. How could I, though? What's wrong with me…
First things first, you take out a bowl, be it metallic or ceramic or plastic or glass, and then… or a wooden bowl, those are rather fancy. There's just something about wooden cutlery that really elevates the dining experience. I have these wooden chopsticks and eating… I'm digressing again. Umm... and next, you... You know what, I'm pretty sure everyone knows how to make a bowl of cereal. I'm not sure why I considered describing the process of eating cereal would be fitting for an article. What was I even thinking? Was I even thinking to begin with? Back to the drawing board.
After a hot minute of intense brainstorming, I jumped upon the grandiose scheme to interview people regarding their views on pouring milk before cereal. So up, I got up, and in the spur of the moment, I set off in the sweltering sun to a much more productive afternoon.
"Milk before cereal, huh? Wait, isn't that wrong? Like you're supposed to pour in cereal before milk?"
"Yes, yes, exactly! What are your thoughts on this?" I know victory is close. Any minute now, I'll have the perfect documentation of unadulterated human madness.
"Hmm, I don't know, that just sounds weird."
"And…?"
"That's it?"
"What a loser," I thought to myself as he left hesitantly, "How can one not have strong emotions about rather pointless things in life that don't amount to anything?"
The heat was really getting to me, and thus I trodded up the path to the forgotten Acad Block.
"Hello, Hello, Hi, yes you. Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Yeah hi! What are your thoughts on..."
"I'm so sorry, but I really need to get to class. I don't have time for this."
What a jerk! Why can't she just answer my questions? Ugh, anyway, I should probably start attending classes tomorrow. I really don't have a clue about anything, and midsems are just around the corner.
After a couple of minutes of getting conscious of bothering people and realising this idea was pretty stupid, I spotted my crush near CCD. I muster up the courage and have a casual conversation starter in mind before I divulge the vital question, of course. I tap his back, and he jumps up in surprise and turns towards me, cursing under his breath. He'd spilt his coffee all over himself because I tapped his back unannounced.
"What's wrong with you? This is why no one likes you. What do you want anyway? You don't have anything fun to talk about either way, so leave me alone. Geez, I'll need to clean up now; thanks for nothing, genius."
A wave of emotions came crashing down on me, and I could have cried right there. But then I have this mission, this mission to convert and convince people that milk before cereal is the way to live. So I suck it up and batter my eyes to lessen the moisture in my eyes and continue on with my job.
After a few more failed attempts to get the perfect answer that would satisfy my craving, I started my journey back to my hostel in deep thought. It disturbs me to think that no one thinks about this issue as much as I do. And it does affect our life on a daily basis. It's the first meal of the day, and you could very well have your day ruined if the cereal gets soaked to nothingness. I know I have spent my entire day rotting in bed just because the milk was too hot.
As I was stumbling down the Rocks, a girl, out of breath with her hair all over the place, came in my way.
"Are you the one? Do you also believe in the supremacy of pouring milk over cereal?"
"Why, yes, yes I am, ma'am!"
"I've been meaning to talk to you, mademoiselle. I love what you are doing, educating people about this very concerning matter. This illness that people have, pouring cereal before milk, it's a tragedy and needs to be treated. Soon. If you ever need any help in establishing a club or an association, do let me know. You know what, I shall give you my phone number."
And she wrote down those 10 digits on my left forearm. The ecstasy that ran through me, the adrenaline that pumped through my body, it gave me renewed energy, and I felt alive once again. I hopped my way to my hostel, gleefully humming a song.
Just around SAC, I spot a very burly guy eyeing me down and cracking his knuckles.
"Oh, so you are one of those people? Damn, I've got a bone to pick with the bunch of you all! It's horrendous that guys like you can walk around the face of this planet. Tonight at the strike of 12. Outside hotspot. I challenge you to a duel."
What? I found a person that matched my vigour about this topic! I think I might faint right here. "Deal! This sounds like a pretty sweet challenge."
"Pretty sweet challenge, you say? Do you think this is a freaking joke? Millions have died to support this cause, and you think of it as a sweet challenge?"
"Huh? Millions? Died? What?"
"You know what, forget about it. I challenge you to a Russian Roulette right here right now. If you refuse, I'll shoot you at point black range."
I woke up in a sweat. Phew, that was just a dream. I can now prepare for that quiz I had... I looked at the time. I missed my quiz. Again. Flashbacks of visiting MedC to get my medical report come haunt me. I promptly turn over in my bed to escape reality.