A Toxic Checklist
Written on February 12th, 2023 by {"login"=>"jcbphc21", "email"=>"f20181005@hyderabad.bits-pilani.ac.in", "display_name"=>"Journal Club, BPHC", "first_name"=>"Journal Club", "last_name"=>"BPHC"}THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS PURELY FICTITIOUS. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
Have you ever heard the word ‘toxic’ tossed around when you pass by a group of people? Did you shake your head and laugh with your friends about the so-called drama? Are you one of the self-proclaimed non-problematic people in college?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, a pen and paper might have magically appeared in your lap. You take a deep breath before you begin to write. It’s time to visit the ‘Ghosts of your Morally Gray Past’.
The 7 times where you might have danced too close to the devil
1)The Refusal:
Its midday. You half-heartedly drag your butt to mess 1 because you were summoned by the higher powers. You collect your package, glaring at the sun and happy people. On your way back to the hostel, interrupting your sleepy thoughts, your phone rings. You know this number; oh, you know it. “Where are you, I need a favour”, says the voice. By now, you have mastered the art of lying, it’s your second year here after all. “I’m in the library studying”, you say while they sigh. With a skip in your step, you walk back with a barely hidden smirk (praying that they don’t find you in the dorms).
2)Narcissism - A Story:
Midsem grades are out. You surprisingly did pretty well, and your feet just slightly rise above the ground. You are thriving, and this degree will not get the better of you. Compre preparation is a piece of cake you think, as you attended classes. A month passes with you swanking about. Everything is peachy till… you open the first excel sheet containing the final marks. You are yanked back down to earth as evil laughter surrounds you. What is this? How could it be? A devastating realisation later, you vow never to underestimate your classmates.
3)The Sloth Prowess:
You are a hardworking student when the situation calls. But a group assignment with other capable members is not it. When the time comes for the division of work, you conveniently do not see the messages, and if you do, your laptop is undergoing a malfunctioning spell that can only be resolved after the deadline. In the event of a viva, your appearance is guaranteed on the last day and your quest for knowledge is unparalleled.
A proud member of ten clubs, your willingness to work is directly proportional to the frequency of warning messages received and the degree of controversy in the topic.
4)Curious George Strikes Again:
It’s exam week. You are at your wit’s end and the only reason you’re not pulling out your hair is because campus water is doing that job for you. This is when your social skills come in handy. One knocking spree later, you have found the poor soul of your dreams. They listen to you whine and answer your seemingly endless questions. An hour later you are fully energized, leaving terrified faces in your wake.
5)Say No to Gossip (but tell me first though):
You are completely non-judgemental to the best of your knowledge. You only like the most popular confessions on Facebook and it is perfectly normal to keep an eye out for campus shenanigans; you just care for your fellow students. When the hostel authorities are doing the routine weed check and you hear people namedrop the potential culprits, you stalk their insta which is the natural course of action. And when people whisper in the hallways, your ears just have an affinity to pick up the hot topics.
6)The Gatekeeper:
You have a tendency to withhold information relayed in class, quiz syllabus just slips your mind. When the circumstances warrant, you have hidden the occasional textbook and lied about the functionality of a charging port. You attend class, but the notes are mysteriously empty when someone asks.
7)Please, I’m a Star:
The day of the fest approaches. You have planned the perfect outfit and you know just the spot with the best lighting. You drag your friends, the ones with the good camera, and take a gazillion pictures. The next day, you post the best ones on social media much to your friends' dismay, as they turn out to be their most unflattering angles. Undeterred, you attach a cheerful caption and tag the outraged parties.
You have just finished writing when you notice several shadows that seemingly surrounded you. You look up to see familiar faces and judging by their expression, they have read your list. “Wait! Please, I can explain” you start to say when one by one they start smiling. You stare confused till one of them hands you a card with the words - ‘Congratulations. You have completed Level 1 of the college experience.’
“Come over to the dark side. This is just the beginning. You can do more” their voices chant as you follow them into the unknown.