The Silent Killer
Written on May 31st , 2022 by {"login"=>"jcbphc21", "email"=>"f20181005@hyderabad.bits-pilani.ac.in", "display_name"=>"Journal Club, BPHC", "first_name"=>"Journal Club", "last_name"=>"BPHC"}What if I failed to execute my plans today? I'll make up for it tomorrow. This was the second consecutive day Sandeep had wasted without studying a single page. His mid-semester tests were going on, and Sandeep was getting increasingly frustrated. At this point, staring at the small table clock, which displayed five minutes to one o'clock in the night, he felt very helpless. "Oh no. How can I screw up the only test with a weekend's worth of gap before it?"
Sandeep was an outstanding student during his school days. He was not as sharp as some of his classmates, but he had two remarkable qualities about him- perseverance and ambition. Ambition to be the best in his class. Sandeep managed to balance his studies and extra-curricular activities perfectly. Overall, he was a happy child who seemed to have everything in life. The question is, what went wrong over the course of a few years? How did a jovial, confident kid turn into a frustrated, anxious young adult?
Intense academic pressure during the years leading up to his engineering entrance examination had taken a toll on his mental health. Sandeep was no more the fighter he once was. Challenges scared him now. Though he somehow managed to get into a decent college, he developed a very deep scar in his mind. Fear engulfed him- his self-confidence was at an all-time low, and he developed self-esteem issues and insecurity, among other negative traits.
The scary thing is, there are many Sandeeps all around us. We often fail to recognize them. We fail to find out who the Sandeep in our friend group is because Sandeep is a great actor. He acts day and night to make it appear as if everything is okay with him. The need to act and put on a mask largely stems from a major chunk of Indians' insensitivity towards mental health issues. This is no joke, considering 12,526 students died by suicide in India in 2021 alone [NCRB data]. That amounts to more than one student lost to suicide every hour. We have relatively reliable data about the number of student suicides. What we don't have any idea about is the enormous number of students that get scarred for life running the brutal rat race they are forced into.
Indians are obsessed with merit and excellence, and this obsession manifests itself in the form of unrealistic expectations. Then there are coaching centers and money-hungry educational organizations with their false promises. Not all students can keep up with these expectations. All the five fingers of the hand are not the same. When a layman observes someone like Sandeep going downhill in terms of academic performance, they interpret it as a lack of effort and dedication, which is not always true. When a certain Sandeep fails in his interpersonal relationships, we attribute it to faults in his personal nature. What we don't do is try to understand his unfavorable circumstances. However painful it may sound, lack of empathy from elders and friends is what drives many troubled souls to the edge. Do we not realize that it does not get better with time by itself? Do we not realize that waking up early in the morning cannot be a solution to every problem in the world? Or do we choose not to, out of the fear of what society may think? As stated very precisely by late mental health campaigner and suicide prevention activist Gill Hayes, "…depression is not a weakness, nor a character flaw. It's a debilitating illness that affects how we think, feel, and function."
Depression is not something that's just 'in your head'. Depression is a condition that has a significant effect on one's physical health as well. It has the potential to make a person feel numb. It has the potential to turn the person under consideration into a rage-filled monster. Depression does not keep itself limited to messing with your mind- it messes with your body as well, as evident from drastic weight changes, loss of appetite and irregularity in breathing patterns. One of the key indicators of depression is a lack of enthusiasm in doing daily activities, coupled with the constant feeling of being tired and worthless. The question is, why are depression and anxiety-related disorders often dismissed? This can probably be attributed to emotional baggage being invisible. However, invisibility does not necessarily
equate to inexistence.
An analogy, originally derived from a Psych2Go video, may help us better understand the condition of people like Sandeep. Preparation for competitive exams in India is a brutal experience for many. Imagine a swimmer having to take part in a 100 m butterfly event with weights attached to his hands and feet. At the same time, he watches his competitors swim away with relative ease as he keeps on falling behind. This sounds unfair. But this is exactly what being affected by a serious mental health disorder feels like. These are real disabilities that can completely wear a person down.
"But doesn't everyone suffer from some problem or the other? How are others dealing with their problems? What's so special about your situation?" Congratulations! You have successfully dismissed the problem and made the person feel worse. This happens on a daily basis with many Sandeeps. That's why, when he suffers the next time, he chooses to suffer alone in silence. It must be kept in mind, though, that the person may reach the breaking point sooner or later. We need to normalise talking about suicide and mental health struggles in public. Though there are some points to feel good about regarding the ever-increasing acceptance of mental health issues and efforts on the part of various organisations to tackle the stigma, we are far from done.
In India, there is a tendency to dismiss suicide as a 'selfish and cowardly act'. "Geeta committed suicide. What sort of a person does that? How could she not think of her family members? Her parents, her younger brother?" Well, her act may not have been a decision taken in haste. She may have died a little bit every day when she lived, bit by bit, until she could take it no more. Who knows, her cries for help may have been ignored or even misunderstood. This is where awareness comes into play. When a person suffering from mental health issues comes to you for help, they are not always seeking attention or a permanent solution to the 'problem'. In many cases, they just need a patient listener- a vessel to pour out all the emotions they have been holding on to for so long. So, before forcing a solution of the likes of psychotherapy, CBT or mindfulness meditation, we need to be emotionally there for the person. Emotional support can go a long way in healing someone.
And this is where every one of us can do something. It does not cost much to do a little research from the internet and other sources to understand the nuances of mental health and how to console and be there for a person dealing with issues related to the same. We need to become emotional pillars for all the Sandeeps and Geetas around us, for we cannot afford to let a Sandeep suffer in silence for the rest of his life. We cannot afford to lose another Geeta to suicide.