Horoscopes
Written on July 5th, 2018 by {"login"=>"jcbitshyd", "email"=>"journal@hyderabad.bits-pilani.ac.in", "display_name"=>"Journal Club, BPHC", "first_name"=>"", "last_name"=>""}CAPRICORN
Representation:Responsible,disciplined,
self-control, good managers
Reality : Conservative, Annoying, Boring.
Please get out of the society.
*HOROSCOPE *: The number of friends
you’ll make this week will be multiplied
by ten. Ten times zero is still zero.
AQUARIUS
Representation: Progressive, original,
independent, humanitarian
Reality : ‘Tries’ hard to stand out.
HOROSCOPE : You shall meet a professor
and tell him an idea you think is
innovative. Only to realise, it’s an idea he
is given every year and it’s rejected by
him every year. [Not so special, after all.]
PISCES
Representation :Compassionate, artistic,
gentle, musical
Reality : You’re a sissy and a wimp.
*HOROSCOPE *: For someone so cre-
ative and enthusiastic, life is being unfair
to you. Shades still won’t take you in.
Department of Arts and Deco might, but
then please. Grow some standards.
[ Just a joke. Department of Arts and
Deco is LIT.]
ARIES
Representation: Courageous, determined,
confident, enthusiastic
Reality : You piss off everyone you meet.
Stop trying to be such a prick.
HOROSCOPE : Remember the time you
left the toilet unflushed without caring for
the next person? You probably don’t but
Karma does. You’ll be registered for
Mess 2. Also, God save your mid-sems.
TAURUS
Representation: Reliable, patient, responsible, stable
*Reality *: You are represented by a bull.
But you’re a ‘cow’-ard. [PUN ALERT]
HOROSCOPE : The stars suggest an
uncomfortable experience with food.
(Sad.) Better go easy with Yummpy’s this
week. We heard about an increase in
crunchy insects as an interesting side
dish. Or probably it’s just that the soda
dispenser isn’t working. [surprise surprise].
GEMINI
Representation: Gentle, curious, adapt-
able, ability to learn quickly.
Reality : Rahul Gandhi is a Gemini.
Just saying [ LOL ]. You guys are more two-faced than a coin.
HOROSCOPE: Your indecisiveness will
take a toll on you. You’ll have to choose
between fest organization and your mid-
sems. In the end, you’ll do what you do
best. [ Taking LITE.]
CANCER
Representation: Tenacious, imaginative,
loyal, sympathetic
Reality : Imagine how messed up you
must be when the deadliest disease in
the world is named after you.
HOROSCOPE : Try meme-making. At
the end of this month, that’s what your
life will be. A huge meme.
LEO
Representation: Creative, passionate,
generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, funny.
Reality : You consider yourself a born
leader. Your arrogance often causes an
up’roar’ [ pun intended] among your colleagues.
HOROSCOPE: Thou shall organise an
event on campus. It shall be cancelled
because of a certain complaint to a certain someone.
VIRGO
Representation: Loyal, analytical, hard-
working, practical
Reality : A humanoid robot if the representation
is to be believed.
HOROSCOPE: With all that GHOTliness
within you, we sincerely hope to see you
with at least two friends this ATMOS,
BITS Hyderabad’s Techno-Management
fest which is to be held from October
27th- 29th. ( Not advertising.)
LIBRA
Representation: Diplomatic, gracious,
fair-minded, social.
Reality : You guys are perfectly balanced.
You’re the most average person ever.
Is this mean? Definitely. [Pun intended]
HOROSCOPE : Your future will be the
epitome of mediocrity. There’s nothing
interesting to speak about or worth men-
tioning. Just like you.
SCORPIO
Representation: Resourceful, stubborn, friendly
*Reality *: Scorpions are poisonous. Coincidence. Probably.
HOROSCOPE: Do not bunk classes this
week. Saturn is in the twelfth house. Expect the unexpected.
[Quizzes in lectures, you get the idea.]
SAGITTARIUS
Representation: Generous, idealistic,
great sense of humor
Reality : You guys think you’re funny.
Sagittarius sounds like a dinosaur. Dinosaurs are extinct,
just like your ability to make good jokes.
HOROSCOPE : You’ll finally have good
times. Your CG will get better. Your jokes
will be appreciated. Just in case you
were wondering, I was joking.